On the FIRST day of menopause my true love gave to me...

One battery-operated fan

On the SECOND day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Two deep tissue massages (preferably with Johnny Depp or George Clooney)

On the THIRD day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Three vodka martinis

On the FOURTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Four pairs of elastic waist band pants (for all the bloating after the martinis)

On the FIFTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Five jars of age spot cream!

On the SIXTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Six diet pills

On the SEVENTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Seven bottles of wine

On the EIGHTH first day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Eight female Viagra pills

On the NINTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Nine energy drinks

On the TENTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Ten antidepressant pills

On the ELEVENTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Eleven ice packs

On the TWELFTH day of menopause my true love gave to me...

Twelve bars of chocolate

On the THIRTEENTH day of Christmas...Yeah, I need another day because you forgot to send Guy Fieri my way. Who else am I going to share my Godivas with?

This post was originally published at Menopausal Mother.